Sunday, August 4, 2013

Sex and the Single parent (for single parents living with a child with autism)

Warning. Possibly, probably  offensive and controversial blog. Are you still reading this? Okay. So, my  child with autism is from a previous marriage. I refuse to get into statistics and whether or not I think that the studies on divorce rates are accurate. I have seen people get into arguments and say people are too quick to blame the autism for your relationship troubles. That is not what this blog is about, so feel free to debate or research it. So, what do you do when you are a single parent with a child on the spectrum? Taking knitting classes and get some cats. OR you might find yourself in the dating world once or more than once. Especially when you are using respite care for Friday night trips to Wal-Mart.
These are just MY OPINIONS. Don’t take my advice and then get mad at me later.
Things you SHOULD DO:

1) WAIT!  Don’t date if you are lonely. Date only when you are ready. Otherwise you will end up in crappy relationship for the wrong reasons. Sex with people you think are hot, is fine. No attachment. Or you will jump from relationship to relationship hoping the guy will change into something you want. He won’t.

2) Take care of you. Go to the salon for a pedicure. Yeah, I know, money right? Go to the spa school and use your old college student ID and save another 20%. Order Chinese and watch chick flicks like Bridesmaids and Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion or nostalgic feel good movies like The Breakfast Club, or powerful standing up for what you believe in movies like The Legend of Billie Jean (starring Christian slater before he was hot), or watch Magic Mike and rewind the scene where he does “Pony by Ginuwine”, do that after you have a bottle of wine and some batteries. Do NOT watch sappy love sick garbage like Twilight or anything relating to Nicholas Sparks.  Take a pole dancing class. Start a wine Wednesday, flirt, dance, be a woman, not just a mom.

3) Don’t Settle. If the person you are dating doesn’t understand autism at first,  that is okay. But not wanting to learn, or saying things that make you feel like they don’t understand that you and your child are a package deal…RUN. 

4) Clear out the baggage. If you find yourself in a relationship with a partner that doesn’t understand autism, you can do two things. Educate them or kick their ass to the curb.
Ladies, here are some songs to help you through that relationship that you think MIGHT get better. These are just a few of my favorites to help you get through getting rid of the non committer, the cheater, the abusive a-hole, the conceited selfish one, and one you already know the relationship is over with.

Red High Heels (Kellie Pickler):
Premise: Non committing loser that can’t decide you are the best thing that has happened to him. So she goes out looking super hot in cute shoes.
Best Line: “ You thought I’d wait around forever, but baby get real. I just kicked you to the curb in my red high heels.
Best Days of Your Life (Kellie Pickler:
Premise: Cheater that downgraded! He now regrets it because you kick ass, and she is a whorey shot girl at (insert random 20 something bar).
Best Line: “ Take a look at her and do you like what you see or do you wish it was me?”
Fighter (Christina Aguilera):
Premise: Guy was a huge jerk, probably abusive and/or controlling, and she is done with that mess. Stronger for it.
Best line  “Time is up, cause I’ve had enough.”
Survivor (Destiny’s child):
Premise: She leaves the conceited one who thinks he was better than her, but not only is she surviving, she’s on top of the game.
Best line” After all the of darkness and sadness still comes happiness.”
Blow me/One last Kiss (Pink):
Premise: Hanging onto a dying relationship and she realizes there is nothing left.
Best line: “I’ll dress nice, I’ll look good, I’ll go dancing alone, I will laugh, I’ll get drunk, I’ll take somebody home.”

None of these guys are good for you or your family. Your child is THE most important thing. Not all of us can find someone who understands your child’s meltdown over pop tarts, your freak out over the new meds or respite hours. Even if you do, they may never really GET it. If (by some miraculous twist of fate), you meet THAT one. The one you connect with, who loves you for you, who understands and treats your children like their will still have bumps in the road, you will still disappoint each other, you will still hurt. But appreciate it, hold onto it, don’t take it for granted. Don’t run from happiness. Don’t look for every excuse, and analyze every tiny issue.  We are all human, we make mistakes.  P.s If all of those songs fail, Listen to Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog “The next episode”, and pretend you a gangsta bitch. (From the whitest girl you know.)
Hang in there girls.  Nicole

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