The twentieth night in my new house, and all is quiet. Me and the boys. We did a lot of Christmas shopping today. I love what I bought you. For Sawyer-a shiny red gameboy, because you aren't big enough for a Nintendo DS like your brothers, and a new MarioKart game. Your snakebite monster truck you have been asking Santa for over and over again, and a DVD of all your favorite monster trucks. For Elliott-the teddy bear you asked for. A funny gift for a rough and tumble boy, but this bear has a twinkle in his eye like you do. And a motorcycle game for your DS. For Chandler- a brand new bike, that you will hopefully learn to ride without training wheels this summer, even if I have to run alongside you until I wear the soles of my shoes out. For Luke-I'm not telling, in case you read my blog ;)
If the world ends tomorrow, I want to tell you how much I love you. Luke, my oldest, my smart and musical, witty teenager who I can't be more proud of. You make me laugh, and I love that we have musical road trips and pizza night when we shoot movie quotes back and forth. My Elliott, my kind and thoughtful boy who thinks of his friends first, and names all of his stuffed animals. My sassy Sawyer, who wears a batman mask to sit on Santa's lap, and asks me questions all day long like "Why is the sun so far away?, and "How much money is six dollars?" And my Chandler. My quiet, amazing boy, who sings and talks to me all day in his own way. Who asks his dad for "Powerbombs" when he's needing rough and tumble play, and who is never without a smile. A real smile not withholding any joy. You are my light, and my life. All of you. Tonight we made cookies together, and cuddled into the big red chair and watched Jack Frost. If the world ends tomorrow, we had us a time. I love you. Merry Christmas. Mom
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Chandler. Why don't you like more things? Why is it that I bought your favorite "Fat Emma" cookies, the puffy, sugary goodness ones with three layers of frosting and sprinkles, but this time they are in the shape of stars with BLUE frosting for the holidays and you won't eat them?!! You pick one up, smell it, nibble one corner and set it down on the table with your eyebrows furrowed and a slight look of fear. ITS THE SAME. THE SAME. I know, not your same. Not autism "same". YOU brought me the pudding tonight. The chocolate snack pack that I haven't bought for months because you quit eating them, and I open it for you and get a spoon, all excited that you want it. You take one bite, and then wipe most of it out of your mouth with your shirt, looking at me like you are irritated that I didn't tell you it wasn't what you were expecting. Now you have a dot of chocolate pudding on the end of your nose, and a big smear of it near your shoulder. And you simply say "No." and walk upstairs. I sink into the couch for the eleventh time today, see the dog licking the crumbs from the star cookie off the floor, and put my head in my hands.