Monday, April 20, 2015

I don't want the world to see me...cuz i dont think that they'd understand...

Being an autism mom involves some level of crazy. I have done the following..

1) threw a jar of baby food in wal-mart (plums actually)
2) Left an IEP meeting for 45 minutes (and sat in the nurses office) after telling the team " be...away.."
3)Told a lot of people why they suck...
4) Let my child with autism do things I would never let my other kids do (and felt #sorrynotsorry)
5) Lied about great it is being a special needs parent
6)Cried, and cried, and sobbed until it hurt...
7) Bought 9 kinds of pop tarts at a time
8) Told my ex husband and current husband "YOU DON'T GET IT!!" (and cried)
9) Had fantasies about what I would school, on the Senate floor, at the my family
10) Wondered if GOD is there, prayed, said I DO believe, I DON'T believe, and then cried again..

Listen to me Autism moms (and dads). It doesn't matter. It is a grief CYCLE. It will happen again and again, and it is OK. No really. We aren't perfect, we are human. And we are amazing. Things change because we bond, we talk, we move forward, and we connect. Every day will be different, and hard, and beautiful. I think we laugh harder than other people. I think we see beauty and grace in ourselves and our children, and spouses that others do not. I think we hold on to HOPE and the thing we need the most...each other...We see the joy in each other, and the potential in our children and those that are not ours. We are not hockey moms. We WANT our children to progress and surpass others, and we do that because then there is hope....for all of us....

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