The difference

(this true story brought to you by American Early 90s swedish pop)

Summer 2013:

June, 87 degrees....

I am sitting on a grassy hill with a water mist gently spraying my browning skin...headphones on and the Beatles are singing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", sunglasses up on my head...Elliott sits behind me with his back against mine eating a slice of pizza. I tip my head back to hit his, and he says we're upside down. He giggles. Sawyer is running around and around a young tree. They are shirtless. Chandler is galloping among the sprinklers, he is grinning and his hands are flapping wildly. Sawyer begins to pile flowers he is picking on my lap, leaning over to kiss my cheek. Elliott gets up from his picnic, and catches my eye and smiles, and he runs off to join Chandler. The breeze feels good, and my body posture is relaxed, open, I'm stretched out in the sun. This might be the perfect day. Tears fill my eyes...


Summer 2012:

June, 90 degrees....

I am sitting on the deck. My sunglasses are on, my headphones are on.. Oleander is singing "Why I'm Here"...Chandler is sifting sand through his fingers. His brothers are sitting in the shade shadow he makes, silently driving cars through a path of sand. Sawyer is driving his car around and around. It feels scorching and the air is stuffy. I'm sweaty, and irritated. No one is talking. Chandlers fingers make flipping motions, flicking the sand everywhere. He stares at me for a bit. I smile at him and he looks down. My arms are around my knees, and my body is small, closed off.  Tears fill my eyes....