I have so many things to be thankful for. I cannot tell you how many times my eyes have filled with tears today. Happy and sad. Travis got called to work tonight, so we all stood in the window and watched him go, and I vowed to make Thanksgiving dinner better than our plan B (which is turkey roll, stovetop, and a feeble attempt at a pie). Working for the railroad is a thankless job sometimes. You miss many holidays, weekends, birthdays, and ordinary moments other take for granted. So, I put on my game face and braved the snow packed roads to drive to Target to buy new Christmas lights for the tree. Luke and I separated the branches and we got as far as untangling and stringing the new multi-colored strands that are now wound around the tree, and we placed the metal snowman-star on the top. Ornaments can wait.
Chandler is spending tonight at his dads house. I am always intrigued by his reaction to the tree, I wonder if in a years time it will be different. Excited this time? Indifferent? My babies ran around it yelling "It's beautiful! A big tree, a big one!" My mind forever wanders to the year Channy was four and he kept taking all the red bulb ornaments off my parent's tree. They were not pleased, and I followed him around for hours, replacing bulb after bulb. He likes circles and balls. And they were a brilliant shiny, red. I don't blame him.
Holidays are stressful for us, but we have come so far. He is comfortable enough to go along to any of his relative's homes for holidays. We may have to adjust the meal, he may not sit with the family long enough to eat his odd holiday dinner of peanut butter sandwiches and a sausage breakfast pocket (he hates turkey, mashed potatoes, pie, or anything usual to turkey day), and we might only stay for a little while. But we are together. My sons are healthy, and happy, and I wish nothing more than for them to feel a little holiday magic, with the love and togetherness, and importantly a mom who is caring, and upbeat, and makes the most of any available day that we can just enjoy being a family.