Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Please stop stimming...please stop stimming..please stop stimming...

Chandler is wandering around the living room verbally stimming, and I am about to lose it. My body gets all itchy, tense, and restless when I've had enough. He makes strange noises, beeps, and semi-words at all kinds of volumes, and he is spinning his mardi-gras type beaded necklace around and around in his hand, while jumping and turning in circles. He's on auto-pilot. I want him to come and sit by me so bad. I want him to respond when I say, "Chan, sit by mama." He might randomly whisk past me saying "hi" and then onto the kitchen and I hear a strange melody repeat for a minute, followed by a slapping noise and he hits the counter. Now he is sitting on the couch arm, making popping noises with his lips, and a noise like "eh eh eh..." I feel like I am having an anxiety attack. What do I do? Follow him, stop him, ignore him, distract him. I have done all of these things, and sometimes they have a place, and sometimes I have success. I am paralyzed today. Weary, autism worn, and lost. He won't stop to read a story with me, he wants nothing to do with a snack today. This is one of what I call the "lost days". We don't have a connection, and I let my hope slip a little. The noise, the noise.....It's giving me a headache, and there are tears leaking out faster than I can fight them back. You're in there somewhere kiddo. You were here for awhile earlier when I got a flash of your brilliant smile, and you flung one arm around my neck and said "Huh"- (hug), and bounced away. I am having a dialogue with...myself.. about the state of the house, my homework...I hear the little brothers barge up the steps, and Elliott yells, holding a Merlin (for those of you old enough to remember the light up handheld game with the flashing red buttons and robotic tone), "My 3000 GAMOTE!!" and Sawyer throws himself on the nearest cat, screeching, "My KITTY", and Chandler finally comes and leans against my body, and he is crying. He can't take the noise....I throw my arms around him for the millionth time in life, and the other boys run down the hall and we sit in silence....


  1. It's so hard. The times when you feel you're breaking, and then have to stand tall when they start breaking. They give you strength and tear you down all at the same time.
    I can pretty much say, I don't even notice Ben vocally stimming or twisting and jumping as being odd. It really is our normal now, and just part of the day.
    Ben is the only little guy though. When he wants quiet, it's available. I can't even imagine how difficult it is to try and balance all the needs in your house.
    Maybe a hot bath for Chandler (Ben's secret off-switch) and a hot chocolate for you?
    Ahhh, if life were only that simple.....

  2. and by hot chocolate... I really mean wine!

  3. I firmly believe that some days obsessive stimming is necessary, a way of coping that needs to be accepted because the child is dealing with stress in the best way they know. However, I must admit that there are certain stim noises that drive me crazy! That suggestion about the wine might help, though : )

  4. I'm sound sensitive too. Sometimes it's all I can take. Hang in there. They always come back.