Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Autism Walk

So today I am talking fundraisers. The race we are all running to procure the desperately missing funds to bring something to the strange world of Autism...... Research. Cures. Causes. Reasons. This is a sad fight I see so many women struggling with. All the talk. Too much talk. I could blame vaccines and harbor that guilt and hate my clinic, or I could doubt my DNA or wonder if its because I didn't eat organic food, maybe it was the water, or air I breathe, maybe I did something I should not have done! But that isn't going to give me a typical 7 year old boy who sulks when I say no more Spongebob, or eat your broccoli, or no you can't have a go cart, or walk to the park alone.....Instead I say, no you can't stack all those things to climb up and eat the entire box of pop tarts, you can't keep making those noises at 5 a.m, you can't try to run out the front door into the street, you can't have a 7th bath today, and you can't take the cookies out of the box in the store...Chandler is my normal. I have come to enjoy some of our little routines. I laugh when he teases me and says its bedtime at 2 in the afternoon. Do I want to know WHY. Yes, of course I do. Do I wish he didn't have to struggle to speak, and wonder about things he doesn't understand, and I didn't have to hurt and wonder about his future? A resounding YES. But if I keep asking why without doing anything about it, it will drive me insane knowing I may never get the answers. So we will continue to fundraise for education, for awareness, so that every new person I ask for a donation gets a little taste of autism. Gets one little piece of information. I will keep talking about it until I have no voice left, because I AM my son's voice. I will reach out to everyone I meet. Do I really care if the money goes to treatments, research, or cures? Not so much. I do it for the awareness. I do it for me. But most of all, when I am holding my baby's hand and walking with him alongside the other moms who look and me and we share the smile of understanding, it doesn't matter. For a few minutes we get to be all together- walking in support of one another. For one morning, we KNOW we will feel the support, the joy, the hope, -without saying a single word.


  1. Good for you! I'm (maybe selfishly) not into research and the whole "what causes it" debate, because that horse is out of the barn for me. I'd much rather do something to raise $ for people who can't afford the therapies, etc.

    BTW, Audrey does so many of the things you's so hard to take her grocery shopping...she has actually taken huge bites out of blocks of cheese right through the shrink wrap!

  2. I love you Nicole! You such a wonderful mom and friend to our family!
    Like I've told you again and have so much strength and are so lucky Chandler chose guys were meant for each other.
    Im also grateful for the friendship we have all made and the share and support we give each other. Its nice to have another strong woman for Allbri to grow up with!