Running around the week before school starts is enough stress to make me break down, sob, and not get out of my pajamas. Instead, I stock up on coffee, school snacks, and emergency Chips Ahoy for me when I have a really bad day. I had Chandler's supplies all pack and his outfit picked out- a red polo, khakis,... and he looked so handsome waiting with his brand new Buzz Lightyear backpack on. He ran out to the bus like we hadn't been on break at all, and I waved and smiled as the bus pulled away. My thoughts raced and ran into each other in my head. Will he be better this year at talking? Will he be learning? Do they know he can use the bathroom alone? Will he tell them? Do they know he hates bananas and loves spaghetti again? Does he miss me?....
I did stop at school later this morning with his bag of things for lunches that was too big for his backpack. He wasn't happy to see me. He was sitting on the couch reading with his para. He looked up when he heard my voice and went back to watching the story. I asked him for a hug, and he stood and backed up to me in an awkward, backwards hug, and said "Bye." I guess that was my cue to leave. I am glad he is content, but as I pull away, I see his "neurotypical" class on the playground. They are running up to each other and giggling and talking about their summers. My eyes fill with tears....Will they ask him what he did? Will they say hello to him and remember his birthday party from last year and how much fun they all had? On back to school night, a little girl said hello to him and his dad tried to get Chandler to respond. "It's okay," she said softly, "I know he doesn't talk." I hope they keep trying. I hope they can see he is there too. Please make friends Chandler. I know they will see how beautiful you are, and how sweet....please...
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